I sat in the circle of people, eyes closed, leaned my head back. I had nothing to say to God. Rather than say nothing, I directed my thoughts and made the only plea that I could think of, "If you exist, show me what to do, please help me." The strange thing about drugs. I wished that I wanted to stop. I wanted to want to stop. But I didn't want to stop. I stood up from the circle and I have been clean ever since.